This morning, beneath the bathroom light, I lifted the toothbrush she left behind. The same soft-bristled green one we had shared until last night, its clear handle stamped with the word SOFT. She had laughed at it—“exactly like you,” she said—then disappeared without showing her face again, leaving only the word respect echoing in the room.
The Scent of Desire She Took With Her
Respect. A word with heft. At first it moved me. When I showed her a picture of my dog, she nodded and said, I love animals too. The most important thing is that we respect each other. Every time she spoke, her pupils fluttered. To respect someone, I realized too late, means to lower oneself that much. Respect was power, and I had knelt before her willingly.
What did I do wrong? Was the kiss too rushed? Or was it refusing to meet her eyes this morning?
Two Days That Felt Real
1. Jia’s Day, 31, Account Executive at an Ad Agency
Jia proposed on the app: “Saturday at three—just one film and we part?”
Her match was a marketer at a conglomerate. He wore the “correct” outfit and meticulously paid for the popcorn. As his hand crept toward her knee in the dark, Jia smiled: Let’s take it slow. Let’s respect each other. He nodded. The credits rolled; she headed for the restroom and blocked him. The screen turned blue: BLOCKED. Jia hurled her compact at the mirror.
Why did I ask for respect? What I really wanted was to push him until his desire burned even hotter.
2. Min-jae’s Day, 28, Developer at a Start-up
Min-jae rejoiced when Hye-won replied: “Let’s meet and talk.”
Exit 2, Gangnam Station. She arrived in a khaki jacket—exactly his type. Over their third beer Min-jae declared, I really like honest people. Just as we are, respecting each other.
Hye-won set her glass down. So, Min-jae, how much do you respect me right now?
The question’s edge left him mute. She slid the bill toward him and stood. The next morning, the chat room had vanished.
Respect felt like a check: once someone drops it on the table, the evening is over.
A Transparent Blade Called Respect
Why are we drawn to the word? Simple: respect is a double-edged blade. One side commands tend to me; the other threatens I may tend to you. When a dating-app match utters the word, we drop our gaze. Am I respecting them enough? The question quickly morphs: Am I decent enough?
Tomorrow morning I will again study that toothbrush under the light, the faint smudge where her lips once touched.
Final Question
Are you still crying respect while waiting for someone, or are you carrying the word like a quiet knife and preparing to walk away?