"So, what are we?" 3:14 a.m. In a narrow motel off Hongdae’s backstreets, Ji-soo was tracing the bone of my forearm with one fingertip. The clock ticked to 3:15. She asked: What are we? My heart dropped with a thud. Three hours earlier she had her teeth on my neck, whispering hot with every button she undid. The hottest intern in the office, and I still had no idea why the heat had turned toward me. I answered with the first thing that came to mind. “We’re… good together, right?” Ji-soo gave a short laugh, stood up, and went to shower. When the water stopped, she dressed in silence. Picking up her iPhone charger, she said, “I’ve got a company dinner tomorrow…” That was the last thing I heard.
A conversation that froze like ice
Next day, KakaoTalk showed gray question marks. Read 1. Read 2. Her profile photo was still the one we’d taken last week. I sent the awkward “Have you eaten?” Then: “Are you sick?” “Busy?” “Is something wrong?” When people vanish, it’s eerily quiet.
Autopsy of a desire
Why do people burn hot, then cool? We already know; we just pretend we don’t. Early heat is the temperature of lack. The fantasy that what I’m missing you will fill. But if that fantasy solidifies too quickly, it warps. We mistake each other for a project. - This person and I will be special. - This relationship will be different. - We’ve already begun something. All of it is counterfeit. We were nothing yet—two bodies briefly patching each other’s gaps. When the patch grows too sweet, fear rushes in. Is it right to want this much? What if they want me more? So we block. Like leaving the table before the jackpot hits.
Case study 1: Jun-ho and Min-ji
They call it casino romance. Jun-ho, marketing team manager. Min-ji, new designer. They met at a company workshop. Watching Jun-ho speak in a meeting, Min-ji wondered, Is he into me? That night she sat beside him at drinks. Their hands brushed. That was the start. Jun-ho texted her. Message 1: “Min-ji, could you summarize today’s meeting…” Message 2: “Also, if you’re free tonight…” On the third date, they were at his place. Lying in his bed, she closed her eyes. He whispered, “I like this—being with you…” Next morning Min-ji said, “I’m feeling a little confused,” and avoided him at work. Jun-ho drank alone. Where did I go wrong? He hadn’t. Min-ji had simply realized that night that Jun-ho had grown too warm; he wanted not a fling but a relationship. And that was more than she’d bargained for. She had wanted the possibility—the tremor of maybe. Once it turned real, it was no longer a tremor. Just reality.
Case study 2: Yeon-jin and Sang-hyeok
Yeon-jin, 31, e-commerce MD. Sang-hyeok, 29, startup developer. They met on an app. His profile read: Not looking for love. Hers said the same. That made them curious. First night, they drank; she took his hand. “Let’s keep it to today—just today.” He nodded, clasping her wrist. Second date: a hotel. She pressed her palm to his back and wondered, Is this really all? Third date: near his office. Drinks, a kiss—then Sang-hyeok said, “I’m flying to Japan next week for work.” Yeon-jin smiled. “Have fun.” He never came back. KakaoTalk showed only gray arrows. Yeon-jin revisited the hotel alone, booked the same room, showered by herself, and thought, Did I want more? No. She had wanted the tremor—the moment they wanted each other. But Sang-hyeok had turned that tremor into reality too quickly. It was no longer tremor. Just another relationship.
Why we’re drawn to this
We don’t want love; we want its possibility. Psychologists call it early-withdrawal syndrome, but that sounds too clinical. What we crave is simple: the perfect relationship that hasn’t started yet. In that relationship: - No mistakes, so no regrets - No wounds, so no guilt - No promises, so no responsibility So we vanish. Disappearing isn’t ending a relationship—it’s refusing to start one. The only way it can stay perfect.
Final question
So, was it you too? When you grabbed someone’s hand drunk, did you truly want them? Or did you want the something that might exist between you? And the second it threatened to become real, did you panic? I still can’t answer that question. What are we?